Why I can’t be an accountant

I can’t be an accountant because:

1. Accounting is boring.
2. Accounting involves math, I have an allergy to math.
3. Accounting involves pencils, I like pens.
4. Accountants are CPA’s. Not exactly a catchy title.
5. Accounting is examining other people’s money… not my own.
6. Accounting as “counting” in the name. Not exactly something to impress people with.
7. Accounting office parties just sound lame… they must be 10X worse than they sound.
8. Top of the line Accounting software is “Peach Tree”. Not “Peach”, not “tree”, “Peach Tree”. A little fruity. At least “Apple” sounds cool. “Peach” just doesn’t.
9. Celebrating the Fiscal New Year sounds like the most depressing new year yet.
10. I don’t want to be somebody’s “Bob from Accounting”. Eek.

“Call Bob from accounting. See if he has those TPS reports ready” [Sound of gunshot as Bob kills himself]

Needless to say, Accounting I is a pain in the butt.