Funny In The News Politics

Monkey Cocaine Research

Buried in an article on stimulus spending:

Then there is the project listed at No. 28 by the senators — $71,623 to researchers at Wake Forest University to see how monkeys react to cocaine.

Titled “Effect of Cocaine Self-Administration on Metabotropic Glutamate Systems,” the project calls for monkeys to self-administer drugs while researchers monitor and study their glutamate levels, the report said.

Emphasis mine.

Maybe I’m alone here, but the government funding monkeys that can snort cocaine on their own is pretty impressive. I’ll be really impressed if they can get one to cook meth. Even more interesting is if they can get them to understand enough about commerce to buy and sell. This is the first step towards making Planet of the Apes a reality.

1 reply on “Monkey Cocaine Research”

It’s not leading to Planet of the Apes; it’s leading to Planet of the Junkie Monkey.

The “true apes” (Hominoidea) don’t have tails, while most primates called “monkeys” do. I’m unsure which group is more or less likely to have a drug habit, though…

I, for one, welcome our Coked-out, Hairy Overlords.

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